Life is going pretty good in Los Angeles. The weather is beautiful. I'm meeting some very fun and interesting people. I have a part time job and am interviewing for another job next week. And to top it off my weekends have only gotten better and better as the time goes on. Last weekend was no different.
I am living with my godmother's daughter and her husband. Last weekend her dad, brother and her brother's 3 kids came in to town from Wisconsin. We did some sightseeing and all that fun LA kind of stuff. You know the Hollywood sign, Venice Beach, Mann's Chinese Theater. It was a good time. Sunday the kids really wanted to go the Six Flags. Well because it was packed we ended up at the water park, Hurricane Harbor.
I hadn't been to a water park in almost ten years but I love the water, thrill rides and the sun so what better way to end a great weekend. We went on all the fun little water slides and we were having a great time.
Then as everyone was eating lunch me and Matt decided to quickly go on this water slide right by our table. It looked tame and the line was filled with little kids so I figured it would be a piece of cake. I decided to go first and wait for Matt at the bottom. Well being as I love water slides I gave myself a strong fast push down the slide and holy shit was that a bad idea.
First off the slide was enclosed, meaning it was pitch fucking black! I couldn't see a hand in front of my face, let alone a curve or dip in the slide. So I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty freaked out. Not only is it pitch fucking black but I'm gaining speed and fast. I have no idea which way is up and I was not having a good time. Finally I see a light at the end of the tunnel. No it wasn't heaven it was almost the complete opposite.
All of a sudden this huge rush of water engulfs me and I have water pouring into EVERY orifice of my body. And I mean EVERY orifice. If water could get in there, it made its way, to the point that I was fairly certain I just crapped myself at the end of this slide. Not only that but the bottoms of my bathing suit were crammed so far up the vajayjay and ass that I was pretty sure the world just got a free preview. So not only had a crapped myself but everyone was seeing what only a select few pay to see. I sit up and the first thing I do is pull my bottoms out. Then I frantically look around to make sure there aren't any doodies floating in the little pool lane. I stood up and still nothing. I assumed they were still in my bottoms which would have looked really attractive. So I slowly make my way out of the little pool and do a quick poop check. THANK GOD! I hadn't crapped myself. It just felt like I did, but now, even worse, I really, REALLY had to go. But I still had to wait for Matt.
So I begin to do a dance similar to those that four year olds do when they have to pee but really don't want to, except I had to poo cause I just had gallons of water up my anus that flushed everything out. Finally little Matty comes down the slide and has the same look of shock and awe as I had. He, too, experienced the similar feeling of water in places water had rarely or never been before. All in all it was an excellent ride.
The ride was pretty fun with the exception of the end. But thats life right? Fun but totally disappointed in the end...
Either way I got a free enema that day at Six Flags and really it was a good thing after all that anal sex from the night before...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
The Good Life
Though I don't have a job, my life is amazing! So here is a list of things that make my life oh so good!
Forth of July Fireworks at the lake
Discovering and falling in love with Pacifico cerveza
The view from Mulholland Drive at night
Sexy men with sexy tattoos
Cigars
Working on my tan
Walking around major studios
Venice Beach
Sunsets
Forth of July Fireworks at the lake
Discovering and falling in love with Pacifico cerveza
The view from Mulholland Drive at night
Sexy men with sexy tattoos
Cigars
Working on my tan
Walking around major studios
Venice Beach
Sunsets
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Write On
Well sad news...I was not accepted into Paramount's page program but on the bright side I was totally inspired the other night around 1:30 am. I proceeded to pour my soul out onto a legal pad for the next few hours. The carpal tunnel in my hand would subside only till I woke up a few hours later and put it all onto the computer. I wish I could share with all the first 20 or so pages I wrote but not just yet...
However this does mean that after this holiday weekend I will become moody, depressed, overly tired and a borderline alcoholic (ok so I'm all ready borderline...) in order to successfully write some of my best stuff. Yes, I like to become the depressed artist stereotype in order to be as productive as possible. It means I must shut off the HGTV and Food Network in order to actually do something productive.
This also means my nights and showers will never be the same. For some strange reason I do my best thinking right as I'm about to fall asleep which causes me to fight sleeping and write down whatever brilliant idea I've thought up. I also do some incredible thinking in the shower. I'm sure this is common right? I mean at this point in my life a shower is so routine and mundane I must spice it up somehow.
Masturbation in the shower just isn't for me so what else can I possibly do to pass the time of standing there thoughtlessly washing myself? Well think of course! And since my memory is not nearly as good as it used to be this causes me to repeat over and over again whatever incredible idea I think up. Like yesterday I thought up the idea of making the main character be asked by his brother to be the Godfather of his son. Since I don't usually store a pen and paper in the shower I repeated this idea over and over again which really turned me into saying "Godfather! Godfather! Godfather!"so I'm sure the people I lived with thought I was in fact masturbating while thinking about Marlon Brando and while a young Marlon Brando might have filled my fantasies once or twice I was in fact NOT masturbating at all.
Is it wrong for me to talk about masturbating so openly? I mean most women won't even discuss it with each other let alone on the internet. Any woman who says they don't masturbate is lying. Granted it might not be nearly as much as our male counterparts but I guarantee she has had her fair share of solo fun. I guess this is another topic for another day...
However this does mean that after this holiday weekend I will become moody, depressed, overly tired and a borderline alcoholic (ok so I'm all ready borderline...) in order to successfully write some of my best stuff. Yes, I like to become the depressed artist stereotype in order to be as productive as possible. It means I must shut off the HGTV and Food Network in order to actually do something productive.
This also means my nights and showers will never be the same. For some strange reason I do my best thinking right as I'm about to fall asleep which causes me to fight sleeping and write down whatever brilliant idea I've thought up. I also do some incredible thinking in the shower. I'm sure this is common right? I mean at this point in my life a shower is so routine and mundane I must spice it up somehow.
Masturbation in the shower just isn't for me so what else can I possibly do to pass the time of standing there thoughtlessly washing myself? Well think of course! And since my memory is not nearly as good as it used to be this causes me to repeat over and over again whatever incredible idea I think up. Like yesterday I thought up the idea of making the main character be asked by his brother to be the Godfather of his son. Since I don't usually store a pen and paper in the shower I repeated this idea over and over again which really turned me into saying "Godfather! Godfather! Godfather!"so I'm sure the people I lived with thought I was in fact masturbating while thinking about Marlon Brando and while a young Marlon Brando might have filled my fantasies once or twice I was in fact NOT masturbating at all.
Is it wrong for me to talk about masturbating so openly? I mean most women won't even discuss it with each other let alone on the internet. Any woman who says they don't masturbate is lying. Granted it might not be nearly as much as our male counterparts but I guarantee she has had her fair share of solo fun. I guess this is another topic for another day...
Monday, June 30, 2008
WWKPD?
I'm trying to be productive. My bank account is suffering greatly since I still have no source of income and have yet to resort to selling drugs or my body. I spend most of my time on Craigslist fighting my way through countless ads of people selling drugs and their bodies to find a job that might actually be willing to hire me. I've had some interviews and am waiting to hear back from three potential companies ranging from a talent agency to a small production house all the way up to Paramount Pictures.
You see wonderful studios like Paramount (which made one of my favorite movies, There Will Be Blood), and NBC Universal hire young, energetic, recent college graduates to shape and mold in their page program. You may be familiar with the world's most famous page (and my hero/boyfriend) Kenneth Parcell.
He's dreamy, I know. Kenneth is one of the wonderful characters from a little show called "30 Rock", which if you don't watch well you're lame, very lame. Kenneth's tasks vary from tour guide to coffee getter to helping Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey when they are in some disastrous crisis they are having trouble climbing out of. Though my position as a page would not be nearly as glamorous as Kenneth's, it could certainly lead to a lot of good things in years to come.
Last week I interviewed for Paramount's page program. I have no clue if I got it and for the first time in a long time am being a pessimist. But to be honest there were a lot of candidates and the decision is one I'm glad I don't have to make. Either way this interview has inspired me to look into other similar programs with hopes of one of them being the launch pad for my career. With Paramount 75% of their pages go on to work for them in some capacity or another after their time in the program.
However, I'm closely reaching the point that a job is a job. This is something I'm dreading but I can't sleep on a friend's couch forever and my bank account can not continue to take this abuse, or lack there off since you have to have money to spend it.
But with wondering if I should just get any old job or a job in my chosen field I'm left wondering: What Would Kenneth Parcell Do?
You see wonderful studios like Paramount (which made one of my favorite movies, There Will Be Blood), and NBC Universal hire young, energetic, recent college graduates to shape and mold in their page program. You may be familiar with the world's most famous page (and my hero/boyfriend) Kenneth Parcell.
He's dreamy, I know. Kenneth is one of the wonderful characters from a little show called "30 Rock", which if you don't watch well you're lame, very lame. Kenneth's tasks vary from tour guide to coffee getter to helping Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey when they are in some disastrous crisis they are having trouble climbing out of. Though my position as a page would not be nearly as glamorous as Kenneth's, it could certainly lead to a lot of good things in years to come.Last week I interviewed for Paramount's page program. I have no clue if I got it and for the first time in a long time am being a pessimist. But to be honest there were a lot of candidates and the decision is one I'm glad I don't have to make. Either way this interview has inspired me to look into other similar programs with hopes of one of them being the launch pad for my career. With Paramount 75% of their pages go on to work for them in some capacity or another after their time in the program.
However, I'm closely reaching the point that a job is a job. This is something I'm dreading but I can't sleep on a friend's couch forever and my bank account can not continue to take this abuse, or lack there off since you have to have money to spend it.
But with wondering if I should just get any old job or a job in my chosen field I'm left wondering: What Would Kenneth Parcell Do?
Saturday, June 28, 2008
50 Things I Fucking Love
So my dad found this similar blog on my myspace and had a fit cause I said FUCKING in it...
Well in honor of my dad (really I do love you dad and if you google me again I might just have to fucking hurt you...) I'm going to do it again...and cause I'm bored and do not have a job but more on that later...
Ready.
Set.
Go.
1.) Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice
2.) HGTV
3.) The sun
4.) SoCal weather
5.) Surfers
6.) The Boston Celtics beating the Lakers right when I move to LA
7.) Street hockey
8.) grilled cheese sandwiches
9.) limewire
10.) Gatorade's Tiger Quiet Storm
11.) My portable dvd player
12.) The Boston Red Sox
13.) The song American Boy by Estelle featuring Kanye West
14.) The fact that George W Bush will no longer be our president in about 6 months time
15.) My blackberry
16.) New York City
17.) Steve Carell
18.) Road Trips
19.) http://twitter.com/BrittanyDyer
20.) The PedEgg
21.) The Screenwriter's Bible
22.) Strawberry salad
23.) Sean Kingston
24.) Smartone Meals
25.) Bud Light Smoothies
26.) My car
27.) Kids in the Way
28.) The bumper sticker application on Facebook
29.) Reuniting with the London peoples
30.) IN N OUT Burger
31.) Las Vegas
32.) Discount stores like TJ Maxx and Marshalls
33.) flipflops
34.) Craigslist Free section
35.) my ipod
36.) NBC Studios Tour in NYC
37.) Barack Obama
38.) Two and a Half Men
39.) Mars
40.) John and Kate Plus 8
41.) Pedicures
42.) Buffalo Wild Wings
43.) My new slip on converse
44.) Strongbow
45.) Boston, MA
46.) The Office cast signing on for 3 more season
47.) Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
48.) Myspace surveys as a form of procrastination
49.) Utah
50.) James Gunn's IFTA keynote speech as read here
And that's that. I shall return.
Well in honor of my dad (really I do love you dad and if you google me again I might just have to fucking hurt you...) I'm going to do it again...and cause I'm bored and do not have a job but more on that later...
Ready.
Set.
Go.
1.) Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice
2.) HGTV
3.) The sun
4.) SoCal weather
5.) Surfers
6.) The Boston Celtics beating the Lakers right when I move to LA
7.) Street hockey
8.) grilled cheese sandwiches
9.) limewire
10.) Gatorade's Tiger Quiet Storm
11.) My portable dvd player
12.) The Boston Red Sox
13.) The song American Boy by Estelle featuring Kanye West
14.) The fact that George W Bush will no longer be our president in about 6 months time
15.) My blackberry
16.) New York City
17.) Steve Carell
18.) Road Trips
19.) http://twitter.com/BrittanyDyer
20.) The PedEgg
21.) The Screenwriter's Bible
22.) Strawberry salad
23.) Sean Kingston
24.) Smartone Meals
25.) Bud Light Smoothies
26.) My car
27.) Kids in the Way
28.) The bumper sticker application on Facebook
29.) Reuniting with the London peoples
30.) IN N OUT Burger
31.) Las Vegas
32.) Discount stores like TJ Maxx and Marshalls
33.) flipflops
34.) Craigslist Free section
35.) my ipod
36.) NBC Studios Tour in NYC
37.) Barack Obama
38.) Two and a Half Men
39.) Mars
40.) John and Kate Plus 8
41.) Pedicures
42.) Buffalo Wild Wings
43.) My new slip on converse
44.) Strongbow
45.) Boston, MA
46.) The Office cast signing on for 3 more season
47.) Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
48.) Myspace surveys as a form of procrastination
49.) Utah
50.) James Gunn's IFTA keynote speech as read here
And that's that. I shall return.
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