Free enemas at the waterpark

Life is going pretty good in Los Angeles. The weather is beautiful. I'm meeting some very fun and interesting people. I have a part time job and am interviewing for another job next week. And to top it off my weekends have only gotten better and better as the time goes on. Last weekend was no different.

I am living with my godmother's daughter and her husband. Last weekend her dad, brother and her brother's 3 kids came in to town from Wisconsin. We did some sightseeing and all that fun LA kind of stuff. You know the Hollywood sign, Venice Beach, Mann's Chinese Theater. It was a good time. Sunday the kids really wanted to go the Six Flags. Well because it was packed we ended up at the water park, Hurricane Harbor.

I hadn't been to a water park in almost ten years but I love the water, thrill rides and the sun so what better way to end a great weekend. We went on all the fun little water slides and we were having a great time.

Then as everyone was eating lunch me and Matt decided to quickly go on this water slide right by our table. It looked tame and the line was filled with little kids so I figured it would be a piece of cake. I decided to go first and wait for Matt at the bottom. Well being as I love water slides I gave myself a strong fast push down the slide and holy shit was that a bad idea.

First off the slide was enclosed, meaning it was pitch fucking black! I couldn't see a hand in front of my face, let alone a curve or dip in the slide. So I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty freaked out. Not only is it pitch fucking black but I'm gaining speed and fast. I have no idea which way is up and I was not having a good time. Finally I see a light at the end of the tunnel. No it wasn't heaven it was almost the complete opposite.

All of a sudden this huge rush of water engulfs me and I have water pouring into EVERY orifice of my body. And I mean EVERY orifice. If water could get in there, it made its way, to the point that I was fairly certain I just crapped myself at the end of this slide. Not only that but the bottoms of my bathing suit were crammed so far up the vajayjay and ass that I was pretty sure the world just got a free preview. So not only had a crapped myself but everyone was seeing what only a select few pay to see. I sit up and the first thing I do is pull my bottoms out. Then I frantically look around to make sure there aren't any doodies floating in the little pool lane. I stood up and still nothing. I assumed they were still in my bottoms which would have looked really attractive. So I slowly make my way out of the little pool and do a quick poop check. THANK GOD! I hadn't crapped myself. It just felt like I did, but now, even worse, I really, REALLY had to go. But I still had to wait for Matt.

So I begin to do a dance similar to those that four year olds do when they have to pee but really don't want to, except I had to poo cause I just had gallons of water up my anus that flushed everything out. Finally little Matty comes down the slide and has the same look of shock and awe as I had. He, too, experienced the similar feeling of water in places water had rarely or never been before. All in all it was an excellent ride.

The ride was pretty fun with the exception of the end. But thats life right? Fun but totally disappointed in the end...

Either way I got a free enema that day at Six Flags and really it was a good thing after all that anal sex from the night before...

The Good Life

Though I don't have a job, my life is amazing! So here is a list of things that make my life oh so good!

Forth of July Fireworks at the lake


Discovering and falling in love with Pacifico cerveza



The view from Mulholland Drive at night


Sexy men with sexy tattoos


Cigars


Working on my tan


Walking around major studios


Venice Beach


Sunsets

Write On

Well sad news...I was not accepted into Paramount's page program but on the bright side I was totally inspired the other night around 1:30 am. I proceeded to pour my soul out onto a legal pad for the next few hours. The carpal tunnel in my hand would subside only till I woke up a few hours later and put it all onto the computer. I wish I could share with all the first 20 or so pages I wrote but not just yet...

However this does mean that after this holiday weekend I will become moody, depressed, overly tired and a borderline alcoholic (ok so I'm all ready borderline...) in order to successfully write some of my best stuff. Yes, I like to become the depressed artist stereotype in order to be as productive as possible. It means I must shut off the HGTV and Food Network in order to actually do something productive.

This also means my nights and showers will never be the same. For some strange reason I do my best thinking right as I'm about to fall asleep which causes me to fight sleeping and write down whatever brilliant idea I've thought up. I also do some incredible thinking in the shower. I'm sure this is common right? I mean at this point in my life a shower is so routine and mundane I must spice it up somehow.
Masturbation in the shower just isn't for me so what else can I possibly do to pass the time of standing there thoughtlessly washing myself? Well think of course! And since my memory is not nearly as good as it used to be this causes me to repeat over and over again whatever incredible idea I think up. Like yesterday I thought up the idea of making the main character be asked by his brother to be the Godfather of his son. Since I don't usually store a pen and paper in the shower I repeated this idea over and over again which really turned me into saying "Godfather! Godfather! Godfather!"so I'm sure the people I lived with thought I was in fact masturbating while thinking about Marlon Brando and while a young Marlon Brando might have filled my fantasies once or twice I was in fact NOT masturbating at all.

Is it wrong for me to talk about masturbating so openly? I mean most women won't even discuss it with each other let alone on the internet. Any woman who says they don't masturbate is lying. Granted it might not be nearly as much as our male counterparts but I guarantee she has had her fair share of solo fun. I guess this is another topic for another day...